I really had no idea what to name my post today, other than naming it Down in the Dumps, which is exactly how I felt today.
A few weeks ago, Josh and I decided it was time to start trying for another baby. In the past I have gotten pregnant very easily, and after four pregnancy tests this time, I was disappointed that I wasn't yet. Though I had given it very little time, I expected it to happen right away because of my past experience.
Last Friday (not the one we just had, but the one before that) I had a bad dizzy spill and felt nauseas. I had been having dizzy spells for about a week, in addition to being very tired and forgetful. I decided to make a doctors appointment where I was told to get some bloodwork and a brain MRI. Almost everything came back normal last week, except for my thryoid which was three times higher than normal, and a low white blood count. After doing some research, I found out that a high thyroid test means an underactive thyroid which would explain my sluggishness. The nurse couldn't tell me last week what the course of action was until the doctor signed off on it.
In the meantime, I started doing a little research and found out that some studies were done back in 2001, and it was found that pregnant women with untreated throid problems have an 18% chance of having a baby with birth defects. I couldn't believe it. I cried. I was very upset. I felt like this could have somehow been avoided...like if I had known, I would have Matthew here right now. But then I prayed. And the more I prayed, the harder I cried. I know that things are the way they are because they were God's intentions and part of His ultimate plan. But it still hurts, and makes me wonder. I'm only human and can't help but think "what if?"
Fast forward to late this afternoon. The nurse calls me because the doctor signed off on everything. I have to go on some medication for the thyroid, get an u/s on it, and follow up with a endocrinologist. She looked back in my records and discovered that I had thryoid testing back in June of 2004, just 5 months before I got pregnant with my four year old son, Raleigh. And my thyroid levels were even higher then than they are now. I was never told about it or treated...it was basically forgotten. So now I'm angry and upset. I have no idea what to think, but I do know I am grateful for not beng pregnant right now. I know that His plan continues, and for whatever reason, this is all a part of it.
But to put a happy ending to a bad day, when I got home this evening, I found a package for me at the front door. Laura from String of Pearls sent me a beautiful necklace and charm that have Matthew's picture in them.
Laura, you are a truly wonderful woman, thank you for all that you have done and for getting it here on what was such a bad day for me!
4 weeks ago