Matthew's Pictures

August 22, 2009

Pregnancy after a Loss

First off, let me say that I am not pregnant. But, another baby has been on our minds, a lot. Josh and I have been talking about when the best timing would be for our family financially, but emotionally I have no idea when I will be ready or if our timing will be right. It is definitely something we will have to pray on to make sure we make good decisions and to let the Lord guide us, but we do have a certain month in mind right now.

I have been having these strong urges that I just want a baby now, and it's really hard just to try and clear them away, because they don't seem to be going anywhere! I don't know if this is a step in the grieving process where my body and mind are saying that they are missing a baby, or if it's the real deal and the time may be coming again.

Abbie and Raleigh have also been talking about another baby. Raleigh just turned four yesterday, and he was expressing to me last week that it wasn't fair that our baby is in Heaven, but his friend's baby (sister or brother) is here on earth. I have a hard time dealing with that, because it is so hard for them to understand at that age, especially since I don't completely understand.

It has been five months that have gone by too quickly. No one could ever replace Matthew, and I will never forget him. I look forward to advice from anyone who has had a baby (or currently pregnant) after a loss.


boltefamily said...

I SO understand. I have been there twice. I will tell you that after having and losing Isaac, I got pregnant right away with Ben and expected him to heal me. When he was born I had a very hard time bonding with him because he did not make my hurt go away. I adore my Ben today but it was hard.

After losing a child I think it is healing to see your body go through it all again and have a different outcome. It is healing to hold a child again in your arms. Thee is something very healing about having a baby and it shifts your focus to something joyful, but like you said, it doesn't take away the hurt that is and always will be there.

I will be praying for you as you think about this next addition to your family. If you EVER need to chat...please email me or I can give you my phone number :)

Love and prayers,

Stephanie said...

Oh that breaks my heart what Raleigh told you, I wouldn't have a clue what to say. I know that God knows the perfect timing for you to become pregnant. I can imagine that it will be different and you may even have some hard moments but then again i've only been through one side of this. Loss not pregnancy after loss.

in my thoughts

carebear said...

No words of wisdom, just sending hugs to you and the family. Let me know if you need anything!

Laura said...

Oh Jennifer...
Thinking of you...praying for your aching heart.

Sending love