So I woke up at 4:00 this morning feeling my belly to make sure Matthew was still in there. I had a horrible dream that Matthew was born and I only spent about a minute with him before handing him over to the nurse to take away. I'm not sure if he was alive or not at that point, but it was very upsetting and has been bothering me all day. I know that when Matthew is born things will be very different and I will get to spend as much time with him as I need to. Also, tomorrow will mark the 6 week point until he is due, so things are starting to become even more realistic and emotional.
At the end of the dream, the scenery fast forwards from giving Matthew away to being blessed with delivering our fourth child, a little girl we named Elizabeth. I'm not sure what all of this means, but I pray that getting it out on virtual paper will ease the fears I have experienced today.
Matthew has been very active the last couple of days and I have been praying daily that the Lord will help him to turn around so that we can experience the best delivery possible and make the most of our time with him. I have also heard Abbie saying a couple of prayers in the back seat of the car asking God to heal Matthew so that he can be with us forever. It really breaks my heart and I hope that our prayers are answered. We have an appointment with the OB on Monday, so I will let you all know how it goes.
4 weeks ago