Matthew's Pictures

February 15, 2009

Winnie Palmer

Our first appointment at Winnie Palmer was in December. Josh was not able to go due to work obligations, so I woman from my mom's church that I have known for as long as I can remember volunteered to go with me. (Thanks Michelle for the support!)
Imagine my surprise in the exam room when the Dr. came in - and it was Dr. Carlan! A prayer answered! He explained most of what I already knew about Matthew's condition. As he did the ultrasound, things had changed a bit since we had our last one a month before. And not for the good.

Dr. Carlan explained that Matthew had a bell shaped chest. In normal development, the chest and the abdomen should have been the same width. Matthew's chest was very small, and it got larger as it got to the abdomen. The Dr. said there was no way of knowing what would happen when Matthew comes out. From a medical standpoint, our son had no chance. However, he said he is sometimes surprised by babies who have this appearance and come out breathing on their own. We would just have to wait and see. He suggested comfort care would be the best way to go, which is making Matthew as comfortable as possible during his short life.

Matthew's kidneys no longer looked ok. One of them was large and echogenic, or bright. (Bad sign). The other was just small and fluffy looking. Not normal either. His bladder was no longer enlargened. It appeared that his kidneys had stopped functioning and that whatever urine was in his bladder just absorbed into his body. There was less than 2 cm of fluid around Matthew which explained why I was so tiny for how far along I was. He had no padding around him- it was literally all baby.

Dr. Carlan gave me a great sense of peace that day. He laid his hand on me at the end of the appointment and said that everything would be okay. He said I was making the right decision. I felt such a strong connection with the doctor and really felt that God was speaking through Dr. Carlan that day. There is no other way to explain how amazingly spiritual he felt to me. I did not end up asking about amnioinfusions. I felt so much peace with the idea of just letting everthing happen as natural as possible for the remainder of the pregnancy. No more testing, needles, medical intervention. Just letting Matthew be at peace and go home to be with the Lord after he was born, if He so chose. I was so strong, rarely crying, just knowing what was best. Others commented on how strong I was throughout the whole pregnancy, and I couldn't really understand it myself. But I knew it was God.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

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