Matthew's Pictures

February 26, 2009

The Dream

So I woke up at 4:00 this morning feeling my belly to make sure Matthew was still in there. I had a horrible dream that Matthew was born and I only spent about a minute with him before handing him over to the nurse to take away. I'm not sure if he was alive or not at that point, but it was very upsetting and has been bothering me all day. I know that when Matthew is born things will be very different and I will get to spend as much time with him as I need to. Also, tomorrow will mark the 6 week point until he is due, so things are starting to become even more realistic and emotional.

At the end of the dream, the scenery fast forwards from giving Matthew away to being blessed with delivering our fourth child, a little girl we named Elizabeth. I'm not sure what all of this means, but I pray that getting it out on virtual paper will ease the fears I have experienced today.

Matthew has been very active the last couple of days and I have been praying daily that the Lord will help him to turn around so that we can experience the best delivery possible and make the most of our time with him. I have also heard Abbie saying a couple of prayers in the back seat of the car asking God to heal Matthew so that he can be with us forever. It really breaks my heart and I hope that our prayers are answered. We have an appointment with the OB on Monday, so I will let you all know how it goes.

Jenn

13 comments:

Judi said...

Good Luck on Monday!! Have a great weekend! It does help to get your feelings out. All your blogger friends are here to listen.

Judson's Mommy said...

I was introduced to your blog through Donielle. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I can only imagine how you are feeling, but you seem to be very strong. Take care.

Dad said...

Jen & Josh,
I know things are tough right now, not only with the pregnancy, but with your grandfather also. No one really knows what you are going through unless they have walked in your shoes. We want you to know your entire family are in our prayers. I was glad your mom sent us your blog. As you can see, e-mail is wonderful. There are now many people out there praying for your family. I hope all goes well Monday with the doctor. Please keep us posted.
Sue & Don

Donielle said...

Hey Jenn, I'm so glad you started this blog. What a great way to put down on "paper" your feelings so that you can remember them all. Plus, how awesome is it that you have so many faithful people praying for you all?!! God bless you Jenn.

Shagne said...

Hi Jen~
Thanks for sharing your blog with me. Each time I see you, you look great! You are always smiling with a positive attitude. I have no idea what God is doing in your lives, but He is great in every way. I admire your strength and faith.......everything will be just fine!

6adams said...

Elizabeth, huh??!! What a beautifule name! I have a Maggie Elizabeth (as well as an Abigail Katherine {whom we call Abbey}, not to mention... Emily Grace and Ryan Michael). There is so much to a name.
Elizabeth is Hebrew
Meaning: Oath of God
Spiritual Connotation: Consecrated
Scripture: Romans 6:23 "But the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I had all this typed up for each one in our family.

Matthew is Hebrew meaning Gift of God. The spiritual connotation is Honor to God; scripture reference is Psalm 104:1 KJV "Bless the Lord, O my soul. O Lord my God, thou art very great; thou art clothed with honour and majesty.

You probably already knew all that, but I thought - what a great and mighty God we serve to know all things before they are even to be : ) To have someone who already honors God in so many ways, before his birth even, has the perfect name for him.

Continue to be blessed, Jenn. We are praying for you, Josh, Abbie, Raleigh and Matthew (and Elizabeth??). God knows the plans he has for you, to give you a hope and a future.

Love, Michelle

Mary Lou said...

Jenn,

I mentioned you, your family, and most of all Matthew at our church service Wednesday night. Just know there are a lot of people in Carolina praying for all of you!

Lisa said...

Your strength is so inspiring, and your family so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this journey, though painful, it's very touching, and I can't remember the last time I read a blog that made me cry. My sister, Audra, introduced me to your blog, and I am so thankful that she did. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
-Lisa

Ms. Happy Gilmore said...

Having just come on board I want to extend my well wishes to you, Mathiew and family, why are you not a candidate for the in utero surgery?
In Port St Lucie I have a wonderful friend who's baby girl had this procedure, not without complications she was born and is doing well now 2 years later.
hugs

Chelsea Pang said...

Thinking of you since you had your OB visit...I remember so well that feeling of being pregnant and expecting a poor outcome. What are your plans? We have a birth plan on my blog and we had a photographer and doula, pastor and family came and we were able to go home that night.

Ms. Happy Gilmore said...

Husband and I were thinking of you today, our situation is nothing compared to yours. hugs Deb

Christina said...

I just found your blog and first I would like to say how very sorry I am for your loss of your precious Matthew.

My 19 month old son was diagnosed in utero with severe bilateral hydronephrosis. Thank God it is not as serious as PUV, but it has been a long road for him. We just found out on Friday that he has a blockage in his left ureter and will undergo surgery (Left Pyeloplasty)in just a few weeks.

I will be praying for you and your family as I know you too are on a long journey to healing!!

Blessings,
Christina

Trennia said...

Sorry for your loss...God bless and give you comfort.