Matthew's Pictures

March 14, 2009

Another Tragedy on a Smaller Scale

With everything we have been through yet, could it get any worse? The days seem to be getting harder and harder, and though I am looking forward to seeing my baby boy again, I'm not sure I'm ready for any closure yet. The memories are fresh and I don't want them to fade. I want to be sad right now becasue I miss him so dearly. Baby Matthew Bear sleeps with me at night while I cry myself to sleep. I cry alot during the day as well. I'm not sure the kids understand why mommy is crying so much, but Josh tries to explain it to them. I even tried eating a banana yesterday morning but started crying because I was sad the nourishment is going only to myself and not being shared with my baby. Ok, so I'm crying now and will get onto our more recent tragedy.

Abbie and Raleigh were at Josh's mom's house the day before yesterday while I was home working on funeral plans. Josh picks the kids up, and in comes Abbie crying that she fell and her arm hurt. She was standing on a tree stump that wasn't even a foot tall, fell, and landed wrong. I took one look at her arm and was hurting for her. It was obviously bent from it's normal position. We dropped Raleigh back off at Grandma's (he wasn't so happy about that) and took Abbie to the ER. She wasn't crying by the time we got there and was even getting down from the bed herself. You would have never known anything was wrong, she is one strong little girl!

The radiologist came in with the xray machine to get her pictures. I was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of where she put the machine and asked her if I needed to move. She said yes, that Josh would be of more help to her since I am pregnant. That hurt. After she left I started crying, of course.

The Dr. said Abbie has a fracture and they put a splint on her for now to allow time for the swelling to go down. We have to take her to a specialist next week and they will have to break her fracture all the way through and reset it with a cast. That sounds horrible. She will be asleep for the process atleast.

She is taking it well, looking forward to a pink cast. The splint is starting to drive her crazy though because she gets itchy underneath and it makes her arm hot she says. Hopefully nothing else goes wrong, I need time to let all of this settle down first.

12 comments:

Dad said...

Jenn, Josh, and Family,
Are thoughts and prayers are with you all today. I know it will be a tough day. Please remember there are many people out there who love you and will be praying for you. I hope Abbie will soon be laughing about her fall from the tree stump.

Sue

Stacy D said...

I am so sorry for Abbie's broken arm, and even more sorry for the pain you are enduring. I am so sorry for the comment the radiologist makes... those hurt so badly.

I remembering going for my 2-week post partum check up and the nurse (who I had seen numerous times during my pregnancy w/ Isaac)asked how I was doing. I told her that things were okay, all things considered, and she asked if I was getting any sleep. I told her it was basically all I was doing. Then she looks at me and asked, "Aren't you breastfeeding?" UGH! I kindly replied, "No, I am not. My son died just after he was born." She then said, "Oh! Now I remember who you are!" I, of course, excued myself to the bathroom and just lost it.

It just hurts so badly... I am so, so sorry.

Please feel free to e-mail me any time... coolteacher79@yahoo.com I will continue to keep you guys in my prayers, particularly as you are working on funeral arrangements and preparing to deal with the sense of closure that brings.

~ Stacy

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss, I am amazed with your ability to feel all the love through the pain...what a beautiful gift you gave him inside of you and in parting, to be loved whole heartedly. May time find ways for you to cope and bring him closer to you as the days unfold.
PUV mom, Jill

Anonymous said...

As I sit here today I can't help but think of Matthew and how beautiful he was. I have a little picture of him here at my desk at work along with the memorial that I got at the funeral. It hurts so bad to think that we will never get to see Matthew grow up or run and play with all the other kids. I'm sure Madison and Matthew would've gotten along great!! I know he is with the Lord, but I really can't help but be selfish and want him here with us. My heart aches for him and my arms long to hold him. Jenn, I will just wrap my arms around you whenever I see you and then I will be holding a piece of Matthew because afterall he will always be with you. I love you so much and feel closer to you through all of this. Please let me know if you need or want anything. You are hurting right now and your friends and family are here to help so don't hesitate to ask no matter how small or BIG!!!!!
Leah

Corie said...

Just come to check on you...I am so sorry I didn't check earlier. Praying for you and your family. Thinking of you lots. Your sweet Matthew is BEAUTIFUL!

Misty Rice-Baniewicz said...

Nothing I say really matters.....

Just wanted to let you know that I imagine my arms wrapped around you and your sweet belly, holding you and comforting you as if you were my sister.

I am so proud of your courageous strength and faith in our FATHER. You and your family are so beautiful inside and out. Matthew....wow, what a beautiful little baby boy. It is perfect.

My heart aches for you .....

You are the best mommy Matthew could have had.

God Bless you sweet sister in christ.

Trennia said...

I am sorry for your lost here on earth.I too know your pain all to well.My little girl went home to JESUS last year.Praying for you and your family.

samantha cizek said...

I am so sorry for you. I just want you to know that i am here for you. If you need anything at all please call me. You are not only such a strong person and a great mom but also an amazing writter. You make me want to be a better person. You and your family are in my prayers. my number is 321-863-3555.

Laura said...

Jenn,

I am so sorry about Abbie's arm...so much to be thinking about right now.

Praying for you...
Laura

sumi said...

Awww, poor Abby. She sounds like a trooper!

I am a little more than a year into the grief journey, and I just wanted to send you a cyber hug and tell you that its OK to want to feel sad. I read what you said about not being ready for closure yet, and I realised that (even after a year) I am not ready for it either. I wonder if I ever will be - closure implies shutting the door on something and I can never shut the door on my love for my little Jenna.

Peace is something I can say yes to absolutely. I can say yes to moving forward (and taking Jenna with me as opposed to leaving her behind). I can say yes to allowing God into the picture and letting him help me make sense out of the senseless. But 'closure' sounds a bit too final for me right now.

HUGS...

Donielle said...

Hey Jenn. I'm sorry to hear about Abbie's arm. You've been on my mind alot. I hope Abbie comes along okay and you are doing well. Love, Donielle

Dad said...

Just wanted to let you know we are thinking of you and your family. Hope Abbie is doing better.

Sue