Matthew's Pictures

March 30, 2009

Weekend Recap

We had a pretty busy weekend, me and the kids. Josh is working 7 days right now with the new business, and probably will for the first year, so he misses out on a lot of the family fun.

On Friday night, I took Abbie to a birthday party at Pump it Up. It's a room full of bounce houses and was our first time there. Not only was it cool to stay up late (10 pm) with her friends, but it was also a pajama party! There were, however, three pregnant women there. Not so cool for me. Tears started welling up in my eyes from the beginning, but I made it. I did go into Matthew's story a little bit when two other adults asked me why I wasn't in playing with the kids. I explained that I recently had a c-section.
Other mom: "Oh, so the baby is at home tonight?"
Me: (Head goes down) "well, no...."
Other mom: "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to...."
And that's where the story came in.

Saturday is gymnastics day. Abbie and Raleigh both go, but I brought Abbie to Josh's mom's since she can't do anything with her arm broken. That makes it a little easier for me anyways. Abbie's class is after Raleigh's, so that's 45 minutes less that I have to be there, and less moms to run into. A couple of the instructors knew that Matthew wasn't supposed to make it, and I'm sure they spread the word, because no one said anything. You know, I was pregnant last time you saw me? Please just say something....
There was a couple there, and she is due March 31st. She knew ahead of time. She asked me how I was doing, and I said ok. I hate that question. It's too easy to say "ok". I moved onto another floor and started crying. It was just hard to see her pregnant, even though I never got upset before then. A few minutes later we crossed paths again, and she stood there looking at me, maybe not sure what to say, or waiting for me to say something. I made it short, knowing that I didn't have much time before I would lose sight of Raleigh. When I was done telling her, I started crying and hugged her. Tears started forming in her eyes and she had to walk out. I felt really bad. I'm sure as any mother would, she imagined for that moment what it would be like to lose her baby.

We stayed home for the reast of the day. I had enough adult interaction, plus my car window broke earlier in the week and it looked like it was going to rain. Sweeping leaves off the drive sounded more relaxing than going to the fair anyways. It really was.

Church. Abbie sometimes throws fits about going, but is always glad once she is there. Raleigh LOVES going, and I love that! It was amazing. I hadn't been since before Matthew was born. I watched it online last week, but with the kids around it makes it difficult to pay attention. Pastor Mark is doing a series on the Ten Commandments, and the kids are as well. Today was the Fifth Commandment, to honor your mother and father. It was such an amazing sermon. Every word sunk right in. He spoke a lot about parenting and raising your kids according to the Bible. I have been working a lot more with the kids, teaching them about the Bible and our Father. We have been saying our prayers every night at dinner, and some nights at bedtime. I know how easy it can be to slip out of routine, but it is so rewarding to speak to my children about Christ, and have them talk to me about him! God has been doing amazing things in my life since Matthew and I really feel Him every day. I love my time when I can sit there and talk to him. He understands what I am going through which is so comforting.

After I picked the kids up from class...
Raleigh: How many kids you have?
Me: Two - you and Abbie!
Raleigh: And Baby Matthew!
*Wow. How did that one slip past me? Caught up in the moment? Out of habit?*
Me: Raleigh, yes, that's right! You, Abbie and Matthew!
Raleigh: Matthew is in the hospital.
Me: No.....
Raleigh: Um...Heaven!
Me: *All smiles. I love that he seems to understand.*

After church we went to another birthday party at the bowling alley. It was their first time, and Abbie made it work with her arm. There were a few babies there in the group, but I was way too preoccupied with helping Abbie and Raleigh hold the ball correctly and cheering them on that it didn't bother me a bit. Hopefully next weekend's party (Pump it Up-again) will be as easy as that one was.

Here are some pictures of Abbie and her cast. We had a lot of fun decorating it. Me more than her I think. :) The pictures aren't the greatest, but will do. She wanted to put "I love Baby Matthew" but we didn't have enough room, so we did I heart M H.


Chelsea Pang said...

I love the honesty and open-ness of a child!
I hear you with interacting with others about your loss. They are scared and shy, they often don't want to say something that would 'make you sad' if you weren't sad already and MORE sad because they didn't say something. I have many times just started the topic for them because I don't like the uncomfortable feeling. People sometimes need to be forced/given the opportunity to feel someone elses pain. I refused to feel alone and isolated and separated in my experience. It is real and I am not ashamed.
Still praying for you!

Corie said...

The pregnant people and newborns seem to come out of the woodwork! I promise you that it gets better. I really never thought it would. I thought it would feel so raw forever. It still hurts forsure...but I guess I have learned to live with the pain better. Take each day as it comes. Don't be in a hurry. God is faithful and will carry you when you just feel you can not walk any longer. I felt myself hanging on by a thread at times...other days it was better. I pray for you often...i do! Im up at night alot still...thinking of all the hurts and pains. Im here if you need to talk. Even though you don't know me!

Sue said...

Dear Jenn,
I just posted a note but posted on your previous blog post. Thinking of you and yours and praying for you each and all as well.

In him!
Sue Shaffield