Matthew's Pictures

October 25, 2009

And Down I Go....


"Tut tut, it looks like rain."

I'm sure most people have heard that line from Winnie the Pooh. I heard it in my head all day Friday. I felt like there was a dark rain cloud hovering over my head wherever I went. Everthing has been going so well, I just don't understand what has thrown me into this state of sadness. I really felt like I had lost Matthew all over again.

I was trying to pinpoint the reason, but couldn't really determine it. Was it the Sudafed that was making me feel loopy, was it the current medical situation with Abbie (Abbie has mild bi-lateral VUR, somewhat similar to PUV), or is it just something about 7 months?

Whatever the cause, I am feeling somewhat better today. I've decided to finish the Bible Study book that I had started after Matthew died, Threads of Hope Pieces of Joy. I got through the first four chapters originally, then just stopped. I still consider myself new to this grief thing, and I pray that finishing the book will bring me to a new step of grief, and past this stage, whatever it may be.

On a different note, me, my mom and the kids drove to Jacksonville, FL (about 3 hours north of me) on Friday evening and stayed in a hotel there. We got up in the morning (Saturday) and went to the 5K run and family festival for the Fetal Hope Foundation. There was a great turnout there which inluded families of both survivors and angels. I posted Matthew's picture and story on the Wall of Hope, and ran the 5k in his memory. I won't even post my time on here, because I'm surely not much of a runner...more of a run for several yards, walk for several more yards kinda girl. I prefer to lift weights. LOL. It was a very nice time, we got back yesterday around 6 PM, and my body is paying for it today. :) The picture on here is the balloon release that was done in memory of the angels lost.

8 comments:

Kelly said...

Hi Jenn,

I am sorry that you have been feeling so sad lately - too bad we don't live near each other..misery loves company right??

Isn't it strange how strong sorrow can be at times - especially without a real 'cause'?? It just hits like a wave and pulls you under...

This is what I have been experiencing latley - although I know mine feelings are due to this month. It's hard to believe that Tuesday will mark 2 years since Liberty earned her wings - the way I have felt the past few weeks you would think that we just lost her yesterday. So many things about this month remind me of our last few weeks with her. I simply cannot wait for this upcoming week to be over with and for Nov. to get here!

Sorry - for venting...! Wasn't expecting to do that! (sigh)

Please know that we are PRAYING! Lifting you and the rest of your family up to our Heavenly Father to comfort and guide you during this time...

Email me anytime you need/want to vent or talk...

God bless you hun.

Kelly

My Very Own Angel said...

Jenn,

I think of you often I always check your blog or facebook and I wonder why you left us. LOL. I'm sorry to hear about Abby, I hope you update us further, but I will be praying that the issue be removed from her body. I will also be lifting you up in my prayers. Please visit and blog often, you are like my sister. Hugs and this wave of sadness will soon go away.

Love you
Stephanie
Vayden's mommy

Anonymous said...

Good for you for honoring your son in such a positive way. I am sure that he was flying above you the whole time! Jill Winslow

Leanne said...

Hi.....

I discovered your blog from my friend Chelsea's blog.

I'm drawn to your story because we had a stillborn baby girl 5 years ago.

I'm so deeply sorry that you are now walking this very rocky, winding, curvy road of grief. The thing about it is, on this road, you will meet many sisters. I've found that the sisters that I've meant understand so much better than anyone else what you're going through.

So, I wanted to say, I understand.

Matthew is simply gorgeous.

I'd love for you to visit me on my blog sometime. I love new friends!

I pray for peace for you. Jesus is holding your heart so that it will not fly into pieces.

I'm thinking about you tonight.

Leanne
www.mysupplications.blogspot.com

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Kelly said...

Hello Jenn,

How are you doing? It was SO good to hear from you! I know what you mean about getting away from everything (including networking) right now. I too have to take many breaks from everything...I have been struggling a lot lately. How have you been doing? Are you still feeling quite numb or has that stage kind of passed onto a new one? I am definitely out of the numb stage - ranging anywhere between totally broken hearted to angry. :0( This past week was a rough one - though today was okay. It's hard to look around and wonder ya know!?! I am so sorry to hear about your family not mentioning your little angel - that truly breaks my heart because I know first hand how that feels. Honestly - our families have been terrible about this..even when she was alive, they didn't want anything to do with her (for fear that she wouldn't make it) - but its worse now that she is gone. This is the main reason we moved 500+ miles away...
May will be our next hard month to get through. It is hard to believe that our '5 month old baby' would be turning 3 in May!?! And to think you little Matthew would be turning 1...oh these things just break my heart over and over each time. I really wish we could get together - please know I would love to sit and talk all about Matthew with you! Feel free to email me any time - day or night (momleavingalegacy@yahoo.com)

God bless you guys and thank you for the wonderful message on my blog!!!

Hugs

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